


Relearning

by AmandaPandapple



Category: Marvel
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 16:58:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10995105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaPandapple/pseuds/AmandaPandapple
Summary: Bucky's slowly getting his memory back, but when it comes to him and Steve being physical, it's just not the same for Bucky.





	Relearning

Bucky’s done everything he can to be himself again. The memories of his kills will always be there. He wished there was just a trade of memories that Stark could come up with, but it wasn’t possible. Bucky just had to get his memories back the hard way.

Steve helped him through it all; him and a string of therapists SHIELD assigned. Even though Bucky hated the therapists, he couldn’t have bolted out of the facility fast enough once they got the triggering words out of his head. He made sure him and Steve stayed inside and reminisced _a lot_.

They mostly played a lot of music, and looked through things and pictures Steve managed to recover. Steve helped Bucky remember the more personal memories. Bucky remembers they were friends. He knew they were the first time he saw Steve. It’s why he hesitated in killing him. He had a clear shot in one of their fights, and something in his entire body told him not to.

Now that Bucky was getting his memories back, he couldn’t understand why SHIELD not only allowed him to live, but declared him a free man. It makes even less sense that Steve is right beside him through it all. They all try to assure him it’s because he wasn’t in control, and maybe that’s something he needs to work through with his myriad of therapists. It just doesn’t stop him from feeling 100% guilty.

It’s moments like this that have Bucky almost forgetting about all the horrible things he did. With music playing from his childhood, and him sharpening his knives, he feels at home. Steve certainly wants him to feel at home. Bucky sees how hard Steve tries for him, all with a smile on his face.

Steve was sitting on the couch, note pad in his lap, drawing intently. He missed watching Steve draw. Watching Steve with the sun lighting up the floor, Bucky couldn’t help himself, and neither did he want to. Bucky had been keeping himself at a distance these past months with Steve. He knew they were much closer than friends once before, but that was so long ago. He wasn’t sure where they stood anymore.

He let his body move. He didn’t want to suppress memories, if that’s what’ll happen if he follows this feeling. He sat right next to Steve, putting an arm around him on the top cushions of the couch.

Steve looked over at him with a smile and bit of surprise, “Hey, Buck.” He says a little unsure. Bucky hadn’t been this close to Steve, so Bucky understood his standoffish behavior.

Bucky reached his other hand – his metal hand – and brushed Steve’s bangs up into his other hair. Bucky remembered Steve’s bangs down on his forehead, but now wears them back. His eyes were still beautifully blue, and Bucky remembers those being his favorite sight when he woke up every morning.

“We were close.” Bucky says, touching his fingers lightly to Steve’s lips, “I think I remember kissing you.” Steve noticeably struggled to keep his expression neutral. 

“You can kiss me, if you want.” Steve never tried to force Bucky to remember things, or give him more of a memory than he can remember, unless he asked.

Bucky held Steve’s head gently in his hand, and was careful in this. He didn’t want to hurt Steve, or do something wrong. He just knew he really wanted this, and he felt like he’d done it before. So, he closes in and kisses Steve. He can feel Steve’s body tremble a little, and that triggered something in Bucky, something exciting. It enticed him to climb more on the couch, and pull Steve’s knees to face him, spreading them so he can hover above Steve.

He deepened their kiss, and Steve’s hands found themselves in Bucky’s hair. None of this surprised Bucky as it was happening. It felt very natural, and not harmful natural HYDRA instilled. Bucky let his hands roam and caress Steve’s body. His big, muscled, tight body. Bucky stopped himself. He couldn’t do it. This was nothing like his memories.

“Bucky?” Steve was worried, “Are you-“

“I’m sorry,” Bucky picked himself up, and away to the other side of the couch, “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

Steve didn’t get closer, even though Bucky can always tell he wants to, “That’s okay. There’s nothing to apologize for. Do you want to talk about it?” Bucky knew he needed to. Talking about any of his memories helped him remember.

Bucky took a moment to answer; to collect his thought, “It’s not the same.” It was almost a question, but he’s not sure what his memories were trying to tell him. “Something’s different…” He trailed off, looking at Steve. He looked Steve’s body over.

Bucky remembered, “You’re different- Your body..” He was merely blurting out what his memories were telling him, but the look on Steve’s face hurt.

“I understand.” Steve simply said, and got up, walking to the kitchen. Bucky hurt him.

Bucky finally got up to follow, finding Steve drinking some water, “I’m sorry.” He felt so uncomfortable and intrusive.

“I told you, you don’t have to apologize. I understand. My body’s different than it was.” Steve clarified, but Bucky could see the hard lines in his face of disappointment and sorrow. Steve moved to clean his glass in the sink when he finished drinking, and Bucky moved to hug him from behind.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m trying to remember.” Bucky’s feelings were definitely confusing, but hurting Steve devested him. Now he realizes how close they were, he didn’t blame Steve for being upset. Bucky let him go a few moments after Steve placed a hand on his arm.

\---

Bucky spoke to every therapist about him and Steve. He told them all of what happened, and they all were actually helpful in showing him that even though he remembers a small frail Steve, it was still Steve. They also revealed that his own body wasn’t the same either. They both have changed in more ways than one, but they still cared for one another.

They helped him remember how much he really loved Steve; how much he still loves Steve.

He was still nervous, but his memories were coming back better, and that meant he was better understanding. It was night, and they were in their separate rooms when Bucky knocked on Steve’s door. He heard Steve’s voice faintly tell him to come in.

“I know you’re in bed already, but I was wondering if I could kiss you again?” He requested, “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I understa-“

“Come here.” Steve waved him over, turning the blankets down for him. Bucky got into bed with Steve, and looked at Steve’s soft welcoming face. Bucky was glad Steve wasn’t upset with him anymore, and if he was, Bucky couldn’t see it.

He moved himself closer to Steve, and Steve slotted himself next to Bucky, helping get comfortable. This didn’t feel like last time. Last time felt like an experiment to get more of his memories. This felt more natural, like he was trying to show Steve he was becoming more of himself. He hoped Steve could see he wanted them to pick up right where they left off.

They were different now; miles different, but Bucky knew Steve wouldn’t fight the entire world within an inch of his freedom, even life, just for him if he didn’t still love him. Bucky could see that now.

Bucky went in just as gently as the first time. Having his memories back of Steve and their love, kissing him felt so good. It had been so long since they were together like this, Bucky only hoped Steve was comfortable with this.

Bucky moved on top of Steve, and Steve held Bucky’s face, guiding him as Steve laid down.

Bucky touched his torso again, “Is this okay?” He asked, because maybe Steve didn’t want more than a kiss. Maybe Bucky ruined it trying the first time.

“Yes.” Steve whispered, and then pulled them apart a little, “Just don’t push yourself. We’ll go at your pace.” Bucky nodded to this, going back to kissing Steve, and caressing Steve’s torso. Being this close to Steve again, kissing him, and being fully aware of them again; he missed it. He missed this.

“I missed you.” Bucky let slip, kissing down to Steve’s neck, and letting one of his hands rub a nipple. Steve moaned lightly at the touch. Bucky then pinched the nipple in his fingers gently getting more little whimpers from Steve.

Bucky sucked a mark into Steve’s neck hungrily, “You still make those gorgeous little sounds.” He pinched Steve’s nipple a little harder, and even twisted, making Steve writhe. Yes, Bucky remembers how Steve liked sex. He was really glad that hadn’t changed.

“You want more?” He whispered in Steve’s ear, feeling Steve’s body shake under him.

“Yes. Please, Bucky.” Steve whined, and Bucky remembered the begging very well. Bucky got right to work taking Steve’s shirt off. He lowered himself down Steve’s body to suck and nip at his nipples, while he took a hand slowly down to palm at Steve’s crotch.

Steve’s hands were in Bucky’s hair, and they gripped tight when Bucky touched is cock with purpose. Bucky loved when Steve pulled his hair.

Bucky pulled up off Steve, and Steve let Bucky’s hair go. Steve was breathing heavy, his eyes were hooded, and his face flushed. He almost looked fucked out and they just got started. Bucky grabbed the waist band of Steve’s sweat pants and boxers to pull them completely off.

Steve’s erection was deep red and leaking on his stomach where it laid, wanting. Bucky missed this sight of Steve’s body worked up and excited by him; impatient for him.

“Bucky,” Steve whined, “Bucky, please. I need you.” Steve’s fists were balled in the sheets, waiting.

“Don’t worry, Steve. I got you.” Bucky assured him softly, leaning back over to kiss his lips tenderly, and brushed his fingers over Steve hard cock. He gripped Steve’s cock in his hand this time, but Steve seemed much more sensitive than he remembered. He gasped and one hand flew up to grab a hold of Bucky’s forearm.

Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek, not moving his hand, “You okay?”

Steve nodded, “It’s been a while,” He said very airy, “You remember- the last time we-” Bucky moved to look Steve in the eyes.

“Seriously? No one on your team?” Steve shook his head to this, “Not even Sharon?” Bucky let Steve’s cock go, seeing as it was softening only a little.

Steve shook his head again, “I did like her, and we kissed once, but you were back, and I was busy trying to save you. I don’t even think I could’ve moved on from you.” Steve looked away with that last statement.

Bucky put a finger to Steve’s chin to make him look back at him, “It’s okay. This new world isn’t made for us, but look, we still have each other. I’m getting my memories back, so it’s okay.” Bucky kissed Steve again with a soft passion. “Now let me love you like the old days, huh?” Steve nodded with a little smile, and Bucky went down his body further.

Steve’s erection was still there, just not as intense, but Bucky didn’t hesitate to work Steve back up. He went slower and gentler. He didn’t want to overwhelm Steve too much. He kissed along Steve’s cock, even licking some. Mostly, getting it wet without putting it into his mouth yet.

Steve was a squirming mess of whimpers and moans. Especially so when Bucky took Steve’s balls into his mouth. Bucky loved seeing Steve’s legs widen at that. Bucky knew he couldn’t penetrate Steve tonight, but he didn’t feel too much of a need to. He was definitely hard in his briefs, but he wanted to fully concentrate on Steve. He wanted to make love to Steve without a care for his own pleasure.

Bucky came back up Steve’s body to kiss and suck on Steve’s abs, remembering a very flat stomach and even ribs prominently showing. Bucky may miss Steve’s old body, but he didn’t miss how his body could barely keep him alive, or just well. Bucky wonders for a moment if they could fit on their old mattress like they used to.

Bucky went down to kiss down Steve’s inner thighs to finally take Steve into his mouth. Bucky wasn’t sure how long Steve was going to last until he orgasmed, but Bucky got his answer when Steve only lasted a handful of minutes. It had been a long time after all. 

Bucky swallowed every drop of Steve, then smoothed his hands softly over Steve’s body as he laid lack in the afterglow, and kissed his neck and face.

“Good?” He asked after a while. Steve kept his eyes closed as he smiled and hummed his response. “Good.” Bucky smiled, looking down at Steve’s completely exposed body. It was long and all big muscles. It was nothing like the Steve he remembered, but that was okay. It was still Steve, and Bucky couldn’t think of not loving Steve, no matter what his body looked like.

Bucky gathered the shoved aside blankets to cover Steve because Bucky remember that Steve falls asleep after really good sex, and Bucky was sure after 70 years of no sex, Steve was probably already asleep.

“You’re staying, right?” Steve suddenly opened his eyes, almost looking worried.

Bucky pulled the covers back, and laid right up against Steve. They laid facing each other, loosely holding hands, and foreheads touching. This was one of their positions. Bucky remembers it was mostly from passionate sex.

“We’re pretty different now, huh?” Steve asked. Bucky opened his eyes to see Steve looking forlorn at their hands. Bucky clasped Steve’s hand in his and kissed Steve’s.

“We are.” Bucky smiled to him, “But not really.” Bucky kissed Steve’s forehead, and they looked at each other once more before settling back down together. Bucky knew even with all his memories back, he was not the same man he was before the war. Steve wasn’t the same after he thought he lost Bucky and waking up in a new age.

But they were still boys from Brooklyn who loved each other. No matter how much they changed, nothing felt more natural than being together through anything and everything.


End file.
